Ilaya Ilaya


Sana umibig tayo na parang noong unang beses tayong nakikita ng bulalakaw
February 10, 2016, 1:38 am
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Nung unang beses akong nakakita ng shooting star, hindi ako nakapag-wish. Manghang-mangha ako, gulat na gulat ako, gandang-ganda ako sa pagkakita ng bulalakaw na nakalimutan kong humiling, di-gaya ng nai-practice ko nang maraming beses sa utak ko.

Ganun pala ‘yun. Kapag nasa harap mo na ang shooting star, at sa unang pagkakataon ay bumabagsak siya mula sa langit na tinitingala mo, makakalimutan mo ang lahat. Makakalimutan mong pwede ka nga palang humiling, na sana mahalin ka rin niya, na sana hindi ka na masaktan, na sana makalimutan mo na siya, mawawala ka sa wisyo, at ang maiisip mo lang, sa loob ng isa, dalawa, tatlong segundo, putang ina, may shooting star na bumabagsak sa harap mo. Ang magagawa mo lang, magulat, mamangha. At sa hudyat na maalala mong makakahiling ka nga pala, wala na. Tapos na. Nakadaan na ang bulalakaw. Pero sa loob-loob mo, sa totoo lang, okay lang. Nakakita ka na ng shooting star, at iyon pa lang, sapat na.

Sana ganon tayo magmahal, ‘no? Sana umibig tayo na parang noong unang beses tayong nakikita ng bulalakaw. ‘Yung magmamahal ka lang, nang di naiisip, nang di maaalala na masakit nga pala, na pwede ka nga palang masaktan, na pwede ka nga palang mabigo, basta, magmamahal ka lang. At pag natapos na, pag nawala na, saka mo pa lang maiisip na, putang ina, masakit nga pala, pwede nga pala akong masaktan, pwede nga pala akong mabigo. Pero maiisip mo na lang ang una mong bulalakaw, at kung gaano kasayang sa wakas ay makikita mo itong bumabagsak mula sa langit, na sa kabila ng lahat ng sakit at ng pag-iyak, nagpapasalamat ka pa rin. Nagmahal ka, at iyon pa lang, sapat na.#



Oh, it happens most of the time
February 6, 2016, 6:19 am
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“I hope that one day you will have the experience of doing something you do not understand for someone you love.”Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close



Past life
January 16, 2016, 1:30 am
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  With two passionate actors, Paulo Avelino and James Reid. Lord, ano pong ginawa ko sa past life ko para i-deserve ko ito? Doktor po ba ako noon? Ulirang ina?



Still the best acceptance speech ever for me
January 11, 2016, 5:22 am
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Dustin Hoffman, Kramer vs. Kramer, Best Actor, Academy Awards 1979

I’m up here with mixed feelings. I’ve been critical of the Academy, and for reason. I am deeply grateful for the opportunity to be able to work. I am greatly honored for being chosen by the producer, Stanley Jaffe, and the director, Bob Benton, and to have worked in a family with them, and with Meryl and with Justin, who if he loses again we’ll have to give him a lifetime achievement award. And to Jane Alexander and to Jerry Greenberg and to Nestor and to the crew on the film who was part of that family. And to the crew and to the directors like Bob Fosse and Mike Nichols and John Schlesinger that I’ve worked with before. We are laughed at when we are up here, sometimes, for thanking. But when you work on a film you discover that there are people who are giving that artistic part of themself that goes beyond a paycheck, and they are never up here. And many of them are not members of the Academy, and we never hear of them. But this Oscar is a symbol, I think, and it is given for appreciation from those people whom we never see. They are part of our life.

I refuse to believe that I beat Jack Lemmon, that I beat Al Pacino, that I beat Peter Sellers. I refuse to believe that Robert Duvall lost. We are a part of an artistic family. There are sixty thousand actors in this Academy – pardon me – in the Screen Actors Guild, and probably a hundred thousand in Equity. And most actors don’t work, and a few of us are so lucky to have a chance to work with writing and to work with directing. Because when you’re a broke actor you can’t write; you can’t paint; you have to practice accents while you’re driving a taxi cab. And to that artistic family that strives for excellence, none of you have ever lost and I am proud to share this with you. And I thank you.



2016 Cc: Dan
January 1, 2016, 10:27 am
Filed under: Uncategorized
  1. aurora borealis in Norway and/or Iceland
  2. NYC
  3. 27… 28… 29… Turkey
  4. Japan, Japan sagot sa kahirapan


Mga panaginip
December 31, 2015, 8:55 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Nakwento ko ba, nanaginip ako. Nagka-baby daw ako, kalong-kalong ko. Lalaki, ang kyut-kyut. Mapula ang pisngi. Pero hindi ko alam kung sino yung tatay. Basta ang alam ko, hindi ikaw. Tinanong ako kung ano ang ipapangalan ko. Dahil hindi nga ikaw ang tatay, sabi ko, hindi ko papangalanan hango sayo. Pinangalanan ko siyang Awit.


Nakwento ko na ba na lagi akong nananaginip na lumilipad ako?
sabi niya. Pero ‘yung paglipad ko, parang hirap na hirap; parang pagong na pumipilit lumipad. Tapos pinorma niya yung mga daliri niya na parang isang taong lumilipad na hirap na hirap. Ano kaya ang ibig sabihin nun? sabi niya. Hindi ko alam, sabi ko, pero at least, lumilipad ka sa panaginip mo. Pero nahihirapan namang lumipad, paglinaw niya.

Ang dami kong mga wirdong panaginip. Sana pala sinusulat ko pagkagising ko, sabi ko. Nakakalimutan ko agad e.

May sinabi nga pala sa’kin dati si ES. Na-research niya raw. Sabi niya, we only dream of people we’ve met. The brain doesn’t invent faces. With all the people we’ve met, the mind has a huge resource pool. Tumango siya; alam nga daw niya yun.


May ikukwento ako sa’yong panaginip, ngayon ko lang sasabihin ‘to sa’yo ha,
sabi niya. May napanaginipan ako dating-dating pa, isang babae. Kamukha mo. Morena din, parang ikaw, pero parang medyo mas maitim kesa sayo. Parang mulata. Nakatali ang buhok. Ang hindi ko maalala e kung may nunal din siya sa bibig, pero ang pinaka-prominent na naaalala ko ay yung mga mata niya. Kamukhang-kamukha nung iyo. Tapos nakatayo siya sa isang bahay na kulay puti, tapos ang ganda ng pagkatama ng sinag ng araw sa kanya.


Kailan pa yan
? tanong ko. High school pa, sabi niya. Tapos naalala ko, pagkagising ko, parang nalungkot ako. Parang ‘yung pakiramdam ko, gusto ko siyang makita uli.


Recently ko lang na-realize, na ikaw pala ‘yun.
##

(Originally posted at ilayaonline.wordpress.com, May 2008)



Bilanggo
December 10, 2015, 9:50 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Day 28, All You Need is Pag-ibig.

I just got home from our shoot, it’s 5:45am. Tired, sleepy, pressured. But I think of that scene where I was able to push for the song Bilanggo by Rizal Underground to be used in the movie. It’s one of my all-time favorite songs. I can’t have a karaoke session without it on my playlist. And tonight, Jodi Sta. Maria and Ian Veneracion sang it in a scene just like how imagined it. “Like drunken teenagers,” as my script said. Like how I sing it on karaoke. Then oh so instantly, all the tiring, sleepless, pressured 28 shooting days have become worth it.

Oh, pelikula. You set my heart on fire.  




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