Date a Girl Who Tweets (Inspired by Rosemarie Urquico’s Date a Girl Who Reads)

Date a Girl Who Tweets (Inspired by Rosemarie Urquico’s Date a Girl Who Reads)
by Antoinette Jadaone

Date a girl who tweets. And please, follow her. Even better, follow her before she follows you. She will be happy when she learns about that, and she will let the world know about it, but you will never be sure that it’s because of you. She will either tweet a cryptic happy statement or RT the @DalaiLama (e.g. “The purpose of our lives is to be happy.”). She will quote Steve Jobs right after, so she’ll confuse you. But really, trust me, that’s still about you.

Date a girl who tweets. She knows a lot. She knows about the Miami-Oklahoma Finals, and she’ll RT @nba like a real true-blue fan. Support her team; you’ll know which one immediately. She’ll remember to shout out her Go OKCs or Go Heats on the day of the game. If you’re lucky, it’s on caps lock. She knows about the Smashing Pumpkins concert in August, about the violence in Syria and the elections in Greece, about Uniqlo, Girls, Tom Cruise’s and Mig Ayesa’s Rock of Ages, this songwriter’s birthday and that author’s death. Suddenly, he’s her favorite author, and she’s really affected by his death. Cry with her, console her, send her a virtual hug. (It’s (((H))) by the way.) Don’t worry, it won’t take too long; she’ll be alright after 10 minutes. She just finished downloading Game of Thrones.

She not only knows a lot, she has a lot to say about each of them too. Find her opinions on her Twitter feed. Her thoughts on the Pacquiao-Bradley fight? The CJ trial? The Bayo ad? They’re there. Her thoughts on Independence Day? Prometheus? Traffic sa EDSA? Taxi drivers who ask for additional charge? Raining too hard? Her plane to Hongkong being three hours delayed? They’re all there. If you’re lucky, they’ll come with #justsayin or #IMHO. It will save you time. Be careful about putting her on the spot. Give her time to compose her thoughts. Be patient, she’s still Google-ing them.

Date a girl who tweets, because she’s so “cool” and “witty” and “lives life to the fullest”, and sometimes, you can even quote her on that. She tweets that she just booked tickets to this beautiful island and this Asian city and that European destination, she’s so #excited! She tweets that she really, really, really wants to read 50 Shades of Grey, she’s so #excited to buy the book! (She said that about Hunger Games and Girl with the Dragon Tattoo too, by the way. She never tweeted about actually starting to read them though.) She tweets about watching the Snow Patrol in August, she’s so #excited! She’s trying surfing next month, and paragliding the month after, and probably glassblowing the month after that, she’s yeah, so #excited! (She’s so excited, she might even forget to do all of those come next month.) She’s witty too, you can RT her tweets. In fact, she’ll most likely RT your RT too. She loves that.

Date a girl who tweets, and it will be fairly easy to know if she likes you. She tweets about your dinner and lets Foursquare know about it. She posts a mysterious one- to three-word tweet that has kilig written all over it. She posts a picture of your “heavenly Angus beef steak with yummy mashed potato on the side” with you on the background. If she likes you a lot, she might include herself in the picture too. She quotes sweet lines from a song that’s #nowplaying, and when her friend asks her what’s up, she says, “Oh nothing, I just remembered this song J”, you know it’s because of you. She RTs romantic film quotes. Pray it’s @Notebook; that would be a dead giveaway.

Of course, it also isn’t hard to know if she hates your guts. If you really broke her heart, she will let her followers know. That includes you, obviously. She will RT quotes on karma (not @DalaiLama’s good karma). She will post three-in-a-row tweets on how some people can be “very rude and so full of themselves na feeling ang gwapo-gwapo nila na God’s gift to women when in reality, they’re nothing but douchebags with the maturity level of a three-year-old! You #jerk!” If you’re lucky, she will cross-post it on her Facebook and Tumblr. She will not mention you, don’t worry—her friends will. You will be tormented by DMs from her angry BFFs and mentions from “anonymous” people. You will be forced to unfollow her and her friends, and the @DalaiLama. You will be out of Twitter until she finally moves on. It will be quite a while, you bastard.

So yeah, better date a girl who reads.#

Originally published in the Supreme section of The Philippine Star on June 23, 2012.

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