Filed under: Mastercard moments, if you know what I mean, Please, it's more than just a piece of celluloid | Tags: film, films, pag-ibig, pelikula
Note: I wrote this to my high school friends’ (we call our group Bugsy) Facebook group page on one madaling araw of October 2011, days before I shot the awards night sequence, one of the most important scenes in my first full-length film. That scene was the film’s ending, and we had to simulate a real big-budgeted awards night, with big-name celebrities as guests, with the theater in full attendance, and with the venue in extravagant set design. It’s been five months since that day, and Ok Go was right all along: “This too shall pass.” And how.
Dear Bugsy,
ON MAKING YOUR FIRST FILM AND HOW IT BREAKS YOUR HEART
I’ll be shooting big important scenes on Thursday, please pray for me. I just got home from another film shoot at isang one-for-the-road inuman courtesy of our crowd director, so pardon this blabbering. Pag-uwi ko, hindi pa ako inaantok at pakiramdam ko, maraming emails ang hindi ko nabasa, kaya eto, nag-online muna ako. Tama nga, ang dami kong emails from my line producer (LP) and asst director (AD). Hindi ko pa binasa yung attached files nung AD ko. Tungkol yun sa mga hindi pa nakukunang eksena at yung sked namin sa Thursday.
Pero medyo lalong nawala antok ko nung nabasa ko yung isang email. Nag-blow up daw yung budget ng productoon design ko for Thursday kasi gusto ko nga bongga. I’ll need to abono around 100K for Thursday. Also, for the shoot on Wednesday, I need to abono around 150K. Matagal pa kasi darating ang 4th tranche ng budget ng aking film from Cinema One (after pa ng rough cut).
GUYS, ANG HIRAP GUMAWA NG INDIE, PAKSYET TALAGA. Ang hirap ng walang budget, it breaks my heart. It breaks my heart that I need to compromise a lot of things just because I don’t have enough money. I need to fill up an 800-seater theater by just relying on friendship, when I can pay extras to fill up the place kung may pera lang ako. Yung production design ko, mas maganda, mas mukhang pang-Oscars kung mas malaki ang budget. Kung may budget for red carpet, kung may budget for more lights, kung may budget for a giant trophy, kung may bayad for the sikat artistas who’ll appear in my film worth at least 10K each just to appear for one sequence. Syet. Kung may pera lang ako, pwede kong bayaran sina Kim Chiu, sina Gerald Anderson, John Lloyd, etc to be in my film. Pero dahil wala, I’ll have to rely on friendships, on pakiusaps from celebrities I personally know… and mind you, there aren’t a lot of them, at hindi sila bonggang sikat talaga. Alam nyo namang hindi ako beso-beso kind of person, kaya wala akong ka-close masyado na artista.
Nakakalungkot lang no? Nakakalungkot lang na sa totoo lang, wala na akong pera. Savings in na’ko talaga. Last week, namumrublema ako kasi below minimum na ang ATM account ko, tapos hindi ko pa nababayaran yung condo namin nina Ethel. Buti na lang nakapag-invest ako 4mos ago sa isang company at biglang last week ay ready na ang investment ko kaya ayun, na-save ako. Pero ewan ko, hindi ko alam kung saan ako kukuha ng putang inang 250K para lang magawa ang gusto kong gawing eksena. Ayokong maging kuning-kuning lang yung awards night ko. Oscars ang peg ko dun, hindi Star Awards.
Nag-meeting kami nung Saturday ng team ko para sa Awards Night sequence at yung mga natitira pa naming mga eksena (may three additional days pa kasi kami). Kailangan ko na raw mamili. Pwede namang daanin na lang sa editing e. Wag ko na kunan yung mga hindi namin nakunang eksena kasi sobrang over-budget na talaga kami. Sabi ko, HINDI PWEDE! Kailangan kong kunan yun kasi importante yun lahat. Sabi nila, pwede ko pang magawan ng paraan. Yung isa nga raw pelikula nila, hindi nila nakunan yung isang important sequence dahil wala nang budget, at nagawan nila ng paraan sa editing. After all, they won’t recommend na maglabas ako ng pera kasi sa Cinema One, hindi pag-aari ng filmmaker yung pelikula. Cinema One owns it. So sabi niya, balewala lang kung mag-aabono ako ng 200-300K kasi after this film, hindi naman pala sa akin yung ginawa ko. Sa Cinema One.
Alam nyo pagkarinig ko nito, pinigil ko ang luha ko. SYET HINDI NILA NAIINTINDIHAN. WALA AKONG PAKIALAM KUNG HINDI SA AKIN TONG PELIKULANG TO PAGKATAPOS, WALA AKONG PAKIALAM. KASI ANG PUNO’T DULO NITO, PELIKULA KO TO. Pelikula ko to, hindi dahil ako ang may-ari ng rights, pero pelikula ko pa rin to, kasi akin to, akin tong vision, akin tong kabaliwan na to, akin tong pangarap na to. Hindi nila naiintindihan no? Ewan ko kung naiintindihan nyo, pero ewan ko ba’t sila, hindi nila gets.
Anyway, pag-pray nyo ako ha? For sure, mangungutang ako para sa 250K na yun, pero maluwag sa damdamin ko. Di ko lang alam saan ako makakautang nun na ang deadline ay Wednesday this week hehe, pero alam ko namang magagawan ko ng paraan yun, sus ako pa. nangutang na kaya ako sa bumbay dati haha. (True story. At hindi na ako uutang sa kanila ever. Lecheng 5-6!)
Ang dami kong hindi gusto sa pelikula ko. Nafu-frustrate ako tuwing pinapanood ko yung mga footage ko. Feeling ko, ang pangit, gusto ko i-reshoot lahat… But I think this is all part of the madness… And the beauty that is called the fucking first film.
Bow. Good morning.
Filed under: Please, it's more than just a piece of celluloid | Tags: hypochondria, pelikula, script
Hypochondria ba yung sa sobrang pag-iisip mo sa sinusulat mong script e sumasakit na talaga ang ulo mo nang totoo? Ay hindi, hypochondria yung siguradong-sigurado ka na may ganito kang sakit, pero wala naman, feeling mo lang. Kapag sumasakit ang ulo nang dahil sa kakaisip sa script? May tawag diyan e.
Arte-arte.
Filed under: Lord, give me patience, yung madami, Please, it's more than just a piece of celluloid | Tags: alexis tioseco, film, pelikula
Anak, kung sakaling gusto mong maging direktor
balang araw:
Hwag kang gagawa ng pelikula nang wala kang pera
nang wala kang ipon
nang wala kang kumpyansa
nang wala kang alam
Hwag kang gagawa ng pelikula nang hindi ka handa
nang hindi ka handang masabihang
“ang pangit ng ginawa mo”, “di hamak
namang mas maganda ang magagawa ko riyan”
nang hindi ka handang malamang
hindi ka pala magaling, di-tulad ng pinaniwala ko sa iyo
o ng iyong mga guro, o ng iyong mga kaibigan.
Hwag kang gagawa ng pelikula nang hindi ka handang
mawalan ng pera, ng ipon
magkautang, at magkautang pa,
mawalan ng kaibigan at/o magkaroon ng kaaway,
nang hindi ka handang masaktan, mabigo,
mabigo ang sarili,
ako, o ang iyong mga guro, o ang iyong mga kaibigan
na napaniwala mong magaling ka
sa loob ng kay raming taon bago ka
sinuwerteng gumawa nitong pelikula.
Hwag kang gagawa ng pelikula nang hindi ka handang
mabaliw, tulad ng:
magising ng alas-dos ng umaga at biglang luluha ka na lang
dahil ang pangit ng mga nakunan mo, kung pwede lang ulitin lahat;
o dahil gusto mo pang mapaganda, ngunit wala ka nang pera;
o dahil gusto mo nang matapos lahat, dahil pagod na pagod
na pagod
na pagod
ka na.
Pero anak, kung sakaling gusto mo talagang maging direktor balang araw
ngunit wala kang pera, wala kang ipon,
at nababaliw at naluluha ka ng alas-dos ng umaga,
kung sakaling gusto mo talagang maging direktor balang araw
ngunit tingin mo’y hindi ka handa,
o walang sapat na mga taong nagtitiwala,
Gumawa ka pa rin ng pelikula,
dahil iyan palang pagnanais mong gumawa ng pelikula, anak,
sa palagay ko,
sapat na.
Filed under: Please, it's more than just a piece of celluloid | Tags: alexis tioseco, film, friends, pelikula
I can be very unforgiving to myself, so I guess I’m very, very lucky that when I’m having panic attacks on making my fucking first full-length film, I can turn to both my closest friends who’ll tell me “kaya mo yan, tatagan mo lang, matatapos din yan”, “it’s all in your mind, your script’s brilliant”, “maisasalba yan, wag kang mag-alala, pagkatapos nyan, gugustuhin mong gumawa pa uli”, and to great people I look up to, people like Direk Joyce, who’ll say, “Pwede namang tanggapin na lang na you tried, but you was never gots there” (private joke) then will call almost immediately to say, “Tara, iinom natin yan!”, or sir Erik, who’ll say, “Hahaha! Ganyan talaga, kaya yan, don’t doubt for one second” then goes on to text a very, very long message about “running your kitchen, or the kitchen will run you”, ending it with, “I hope you get what I’m saying”, or Direk Tikoy, who’ll say, “Ano ka ba, baliw ka na, gumagawa ka na ng first feature, welcome to the club” after I said, “Sir, text lang kita kapag nababaliw na ako ha”, or sir Lyle, who won’t reply but will give a surprise call or Facebook message several days later about a favor he did for me.
Thank you, I have been forgiven.
God, I miss Alexis.
Filed under: In love or something like it, Mastercard moments, if you know what I mean, Please, it's more than just a piece of celluloid
Filed under: In love or something like it, Mastercard moments, if you know what I mean, Please, it's more than just a piece of celluloid | Tags: alibata, awit, child, dong abay, dreams, film, friends, friendship, ilaya, ina, love, mom, mother, motherhood, nanay, pangarap, pelikula, UP, yano
Dear Ilaya and Awit,
Hello,—do you still use that now—I’m your mother. But I’m writing this in 2011, I’m 27, and you haven’t been born yet. (I was also going to say you haven’t even been conceived yet, but if you’re reading this before you can even spell your receive’s and conceive’s correctly, don’t be afraid to ask me baby. I’ll be thinking of the right way to answer it after I write this.) So technically, right now, you are my future child, and I’m writing this from your past.
By now I’m sure you already know why I named you Ilaya, and you, Awit. (I’m guessing it’s one of the stories I’ve been telling you over and over with the same excitement as if I’m saying it for the first time. Please say “Nanay, nakwento mo na yan!” gently, okay?) That’s supposing I really got to name you Ilaya and Awit and was not too in love and submissive to your father to actually let him dismiss my wishes. Ah love, pag-ibig. You’ll learn about it in due time, and hopefully write and paint and sing about it too, and by then, I hope we can talk about it over San Mig Light, and end it with a crisp laugh. Nasa’yo ang huling halakhak. It’s always their loss, my loves, I hope I tell you that often enough, but please do give me their full names. I’ll have them banned in as many places as my GMA7 and TV5 connections can allow. For now, I’m happy with seeing you cringe just hearing the word “love”. Please stay that way as long as you can; I don’t know enough people from NBI yet. (more…)
Filed under: Lord, give me patience, yung madami, Please, it's more than just a piece of celluloid | Tags: alexis tioseco, cinema one, film, finalist, lilia cuntapay, pangarap, pelikula, screenplay, script
Iko-coma ko ba ‘yung bida? Gusto ko ‘yun, kasi challenging, na ilalabas mo yung galing nya gamit lang ang kaunting sequences. Saka naalala mo ‘yung sabi ni Ma’am Laurice na hindi naman ganun ka-endearing ang mukha ni Lilia na masaya siyang tignan sa loob ng 1hr20mins? Kaya baka nga dapat kontian ang mga eksena nya, at gamitin ang tulong ng mga supporting characters.
Eh kaso nga lang, bida, tapos naka-coma lang pala siya halong buong pelikula? Sabi pa nga ni Bebs, “hahaha”. Ang sabi nga rin ni Glenn, baka maging support na lang siya sa sarili nyang pelikula. Eh ang naisip ko naman, dapat ba conscious effort na gawing bida dito si Lilia? Oo, ‘yun ang expectation, pero hindi naman required. Edi para na rin palang Star Cinema ito na “isip ka ng concept for Gerald and Kim” o “may pelikula tayo, si John Lloyd at Bea ang bida, ano’ng pwedeng kwento?” Ang naisip ko, basta ang pelikulang ito ay tungkol kay Lilia Cuntapay, pero hindi ko naman sinabing mabubuo ang kwento niya nang walang tulong ng ibang tao sa paligid nya. (more…)
Filed under: Lord, give me patience, yung madami, Please, it's more than just a piece of celluloid | Tags: art, artist, furniture, marimar
I stumbled upon a very hip furniture store online called Roomix that gives artistic second lives to ordinary pieces (e.g. pipes turned into a lamp, a briefcase turned into a sofa), and I got really jealous.
A similar personal art project that I’ve conceptualized a year ago but never got to actually do came to mind again. I only got as far as making my boyfriend agree to do the wiring and welding. I used to be a very prolific butingtingera. I miss my old self making earrings out of guitar picks and out of weird shells I found in beaches while taping Marimar, and creating a ring with an old benchingko (25-centavo coin) from my lola’s baul, and stitching doodles and beads on my bag so it’s not just any other Jansport backpack–on a whim! And now, I just browse online furniture shops, get jealous, and I want to smack myself again with the remote control: ”Why haven’t you started it yet?!? It’s been more than a yeaaaaaaaaar! It’s still just a sketch on your notebook–where is it now by the way–, what’s your excuse this time?!?”
Revising my screenplay while watching Amelie and American Idol, now America’s Next Top Model, now State of the Nation on GMA NewsTV, then back to America’s next Top Model.
Filed under: Please, it's more than just a piece of celluloid, Thankful for Work Nonetheless | Tags: being john malkovich, film, gondry, kaufman, pelikula
I like my header. It’s a screen grab from one of my favorite films, Being John Malkovich. It was written by the brilliant Charlie Kaufman, who also wrote The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind–it’s one of the most beautiful love stories ever written and made. Well, what else do you get from a Kaufman-written screenplay that’s directed by Michel Gondry? It’s always so brilliant, it’s already predictable.
My header tells me, You’re not a writer. My site stats tell me, You have 0 views today. And I’m not annoyed at all. There’s a reason I googled Being John Malkovich and used a frame from that film as my header. Because I know I’m not a writer, but often these days, I forget, that I’m going to be somebody else: not a writer, nor a planner-maker, nor an entrepreneur.
I take a look at John and Catherine again, bending over on the 7 1/2 floor. I smile, relieved. As long as I know why I have this as my header, then I’m fine, baby.
Filed under: Please, it's more than just a piece of celluloid, Thankful for Work Nonetheless | Tags: film, hollywood, ningas kugon, pelikula, screenplay, script, star cinema, what if
Aminado naman akong hindi ako marunong magsulat ng script, bukod sa tama nga ang sabi ng isa kong kaibigan, “Puro ko konsepto! Puro ka drowing!”, (minsan nga pala, kaibigan ko rin ang sarili ko), kaya para makasulat na sa wakas, sumali ako sa isang scriptwriting workshop habang kauumpisa pa lang ng bagong taon. Subukan ko lang gawing mas napapanahon ang “ningas kugon”.
May mga schools of thought din pala ang pagsusulat ng script, ano? Merong mauuna muna ang ideya o konsepto, tapos saka ka magre-research ng katulad nun sa totoong buhay, o yung What If school of thought (e.g. “What if may manananggal na biglang bumisita sa Maynila? Okay, go. May nangyari na kayang ganun? Saan kaya?”). Hindi ko sinasadya, pero ito ang madalas kong gawin. Siguro dahil Hollywood at Star Cinema ang kinalakhan ko, o dahil sadyang mapaglaro lang ang utak ko, o dahil tamad talaga akong mag-research, o dahil mas natutuwa akong mag-imbento, o dahil ewan, e gusto ko e. Meron ding mauuna muna ang nangyari sa totoong buhay, o research, tapos saka mo gagawan ng ideya o konsepto, o yung What Is school of thought (e.g. “Ay, may mananaggal daw na nanggulo kagabi sa Tondo! Okay, go. Ano kayang pwedeng kwento dun?”). Yung pangalawang school of thought ang itinuro sa workshop.
Pagkatapos ng workshop, marami akong natutunan.
Isa na dun, na matigas pala talaga ang ulo ko.
