Filed under: Mastercard moments, if you know what I mean, Please, it's more than just a piece of celluloid | Tags: film, films, pag-ibig, pelikula
Note: I wrote this to my high school friends’ (we call our group Bugsy) Facebook group page on one madaling araw of October 2011, days before I shot the awards night sequence, one of the most important scenes in my first full-length film. That scene was the film’s ending, and we had to simulate a real big-budgeted awards night, with big-name celebrities as guests, with the theater in full attendance, and with the venue in extravagant set design. It’s been five months since that day, and Ok Go was right all along: “This too shall pass.” And how.
Dear Bugsy,
ON MAKING YOUR FIRST FILM AND HOW IT BREAKS YOUR HEART
I’ll be shooting big important scenes on Thursday, please pray for me. I just got home from another film shoot at isang one-for-the-road inuman courtesy of our crowd director, so pardon this blabbering. Pag-uwi ko, hindi pa ako inaantok at pakiramdam ko, maraming emails ang hindi ko nabasa, kaya eto, nag-online muna ako. Tama nga, ang dami kong emails from my line producer (LP) and asst director (AD). Hindi ko pa binasa yung attached files nung AD ko. Tungkol yun sa mga hindi pa nakukunang eksena at yung sked namin sa Thursday.
Pero medyo lalong nawala antok ko nung nabasa ko yung isang email. Nag-blow up daw yung budget ng productoon design ko for Thursday kasi gusto ko nga bongga. I’ll need to abono around 100K for Thursday. Also, for the shoot on Wednesday, I need to abono around 150K. Matagal pa kasi darating ang 4th tranche ng budget ng aking film from Cinema One (after pa ng rough cut).
GUYS, ANG HIRAP GUMAWA NG INDIE, PAKSYET TALAGA. Ang hirap ng walang budget, it breaks my heart. It breaks my heart that I need to compromise a lot of things just because I don’t have enough money. I need to fill up an 800-seater theater by just relying on friendship, when I can pay extras to fill up the place kung may pera lang ako. Yung production design ko, mas maganda, mas mukhang pang-Oscars kung mas malaki ang budget. Kung may budget for red carpet, kung may budget for more lights, kung may budget for a giant trophy, kung may bayad for the sikat artistas who’ll appear in my film worth at least 10K each just to appear for one sequence. Syet. Kung may pera lang ako, pwede kong bayaran sina Kim Chiu, sina Gerald Anderson, John Lloyd, etc to be in my film. Pero dahil wala, I’ll have to rely on friendships, on pakiusaps from celebrities I personally know… and mind you, there aren’t a lot of them, at hindi sila bonggang sikat talaga. Alam nyo namang hindi ako beso-beso kind of person, kaya wala akong ka-close masyado na artista.
Nakakalungkot lang no? Nakakalungkot lang na sa totoo lang, wala na akong pera. Savings in na’ko talaga. Last week, namumrublema ako kasi below minimum na ang ATM account ko, tapos hindi ko pa nababayaran yung condo namin nina Ethel. Buti na lang nakapag-invest ako 4mos ago sa isang company at biglang last week ay ready na ang investment ko kaya ayun, na-save ako. Pero ewan ko, hindi ko alam kung saan ako kukuha ng putang inang 250K para lang magawa ang gusto kong gawing eksena. Ayokong maging kuning-kuning lang yung awards night ko. Oscars ang peg ko dun, hindi Star Awards.
Nag-meeting kami nung Saturday ng team ko para sa Awards Night sequence at yung mga natitira pa naming mga eksena (may three additional days pa kasi kami). Kailangan ko na raw mamili. Pwede namang daanin na lang sa editing e. Wag ko na kunan yung mga hindi namin nakunang eksena kasi sobrang over-budget na talaga kami. Sabi ko, HINDI PWEDE! Kailangan kong kunan yun kasi importante yun lahat. Sabi nila, pwede ko pang magawan ng paraan. Yung isa nga raw pelikula nila, hindi nila nakunan yung isang important sequence dahil wala nang budget, at nagawan nila ng paraan sa editing. After all, they won’t recommend na maglabas ako ng pera kasi sa Cinema One, hindi pag-aari ng filmmaker yung pelikula. Cinema One owns it. So sabi niya, balewala lang kung mag-aabono ako ng 200-300K kasi after this film, hindi naman pala sa akin yung ginawa ko. Sa Cinema One.
Alam nyo pagkarinig ko nito, pinigil ko ang luha ko. SYET HINDI NILA NAIINTINDIHAN. WALA AKONG PAKIALAM KUNG HINDI SA AKIN TONG PELIKULANG TO PAGKATAPOS, WALA AKONG PAKIALAM. KASI ANG PUNO’T DULO NITO, PELIKULA KO TO. Pelikula ko to, hindi dahil ako ang may-ari ng rights, pero pelikula ko pa rin to, kasi akin to, akin tong vision, akin tong kabaliwan na to, akin tong pangarap na to. Hindi nila naiintindihan no? Ewan ko kung naiintindihan nyo, pero ewan ko ba’t sila, hindi nila gets.
Anyway, pag-pray nyo ako ha? For sure, mangungutang ako para sa 250K na yun, pero maluwag sa damdamin ko. Di ko lang alam saan ako makakautang nun na ang deadline ay Wednesday this week hehe, pero alam ko namang magagawan ko ng paraan yun, sus ako pa. nangutang na kaya ako sa bumbay dati haha. (True story. At hindi na ako uutang sa kanila ever. Lecheng 5-6!)
Ang dami kong hindi gusto sa pelikula ko. Nafu-frustrate ako tuwing pinapanood ko yung mga footage ko. Feeling ko, ang pangit, gusto ko i-reshoot lahat… But I think this is all part of the madness… And the beauty that is called the fucking first film.
Bow. Good morning.
Filed under: Mastercard moments, if you know what I mean | Tags: joyce bernal, pelikula, UP
Sa palagay ko, dalawa sa pinaka-pinaka-tamang mga desisyong ginawa ko sa buhay ko ay (1) ang gustuhing pumasok sa UP at (2) ang magtrabaho para kay Joyce Bernal.
Filed under: In love or something like it, Mastercard moments, if you know what I mean, Please, it's more than just a piece of celluloid
Filed under: In love or something like it, Mastercard moments, if you know what I mean, Please, it's more than just a piece of celluloid | Tags: alibata, awit, child, dong abay, dreams, film, friends, friendship, ilaya, ina, love, mom, mother, motherhood, nanay, pangarap, pelikula, UP, yano
Dear Ilaya and Awit,
Hello,—do you still use that now—I’m your mother. But I’m writing this in 2011, I’m 27, and you haven’t been born yet. (I was also going to say you haven’t even been conceived yet, but if you’re reading this before you can even spell your receive’s and conceive’s correctly, don’t be afraid to ask me baby. I’ll be thinking of the right way to answer it after I write this.) So technically, right now, you are my future child, and I’m writing this from your past.
By now I’m sure you already know why I named you Ilaya, and you, Awit. (I’m guessing it’s one of the stories I’ve been telling you over and over with the same excitement as if I’m saying it for the first time. Please say “Nanay, nakwento mo na yan!” gently, okay?) That’s supposing I really got to name you Ilaya and Awit and was not too in love and submissive to your father to actually let him dismiss my wishes. Ah love, pag-ibig. You’ll learn about it in due time, and hopefully write and paint and sing about it too, and by then, I hope we can talk about it over San Mig Light, and end it with a crisp laugh. Nasa’yo ang huling halakhak. It’s always their loss, my loves, I hope I tell you that often enough, but please do give me their full names. I’ll have them banned in as many places as my GMA7 and TV5 connections can allow. For now, I’m happy with seeing you cringe just hearing the word “love”. Please stay that way as long as you can; I don’t know enough people from NBI yet. (more…)
Filed under: Mastercard moments, if you know what I mean | Tags: christmas, family, holidays, kabataan, lifestyle, pasko, teenagers, yuppies
“Pagsabihan mo nga yang kapatid mo,” sabi sa’kin ni Mama. “Naglinis ako ng kwarto, may nakita ‘kong mga resibo ng mga restaurant. May P3,000, may P2,000, may P2,500. Ang mamahal naman ng kinakainan nya, hindi naman kalakihan ang sweldo nya.”
May nakita pa raw siyang resibo ng digital photo frame, P8,000. “Dyos ko,” sabi ni Mama, “ang mahal namang photo frame nun, ano yun, ireregalo nya sa girlfriend nya? Sobra naman yun!” Halos kaka-graduate pa lang kasi ng kapatid ko, pero alam mo naman ang lifestyle ng mga kabataan ngayon. Kung the best things in life are free man, the second best, they cost a lot.
At sumapit ang Pasko, ang alas-dose ng gabi, ang pagdating ni Santa, at ang bigayan ng mga regalo. Inabot ng kapatid ko ang regalo niya sa’min, may generic card na “Merry Christmas”, alam mo naman ang mga lalaki. Si Mama ang nagbukas ng regalo. At nakita nya ang laman:
Digital photo frame.
Lang naman.#
Filed under: Mastercard moments, if you know what I mean | Tags: gitla. irog, hane, makata, quezon, sinta, tagalog
Ginulat ko siya nung palabas siya ng bahay. Nagulat naman siya, sabay sabing, “Wag ka ngang nanggigitla!”, at natawa ako. “O, bakit ka natatawa dyan?”
“Wag mo ngang gagamitin ang gitla sa normal na pag-uusap dito sa Maynila,” sabi ko. “Kasi yung gitla, malalim yun na Tagalog dito.” Taga-Quezon kasi siya, kung saan ang Tagalog ay mas malalim, at natural lang yun sa kanila, hindi sa nagpapaka-makata lang sila. Kaya normal lang na gamitin niya ang “maaari” imbes na “pwede”, o “nagagahol” imbes na “nauubusan ng oras” “Kasi parang ginamit mo yung salitang irog o sinta sa pang-araw-araw,” paliwanag ko. “Naintindihan mo na, hane?”, gamit ang salitang-kolokyal sa Quezon.
“Oo na,” sabi niya. “Pero mali ang gamit mo ng hane.“#
Filed under: In love or something like it, Mastercard moments, if you know what I mean | Tags: baguio, banaue, bohol, kalamay, love, michael angelo, pag-ibig, pasalubong, peanut kisses, sagada, travel
“May nabili na akong pasalubong sa’yo,” sabi ko sa kanya.
“Ano?”
“Peanut kisses at kalamay galing Bohol. Bottle opener galing Sagada. At astig na wooden ashtray galing Banaue,” pagmamalaki ko. “Lahat yun galing sa puso ko.”
“Ha? Nagkasya yun lahat sa puso mo?!”
“Oo naman, ikaw nga nagkasya e, yung pasalubong pa kaya?”
Filed under: In love or something like it, Mastercard moments, if you know what I mean | Tags: love, michael angelo, pag-ibig
Nung nag-inuman nga pala kami nung isang araw sa Chicboy, kwento ni Michael, may bumati sami’ng ka-trabaho, napadaan din dun. Sabi niya, Hoy, nakita kita sa Kaboom ha, may kasama kang magandang chick! Nagulat daw siya, sabi ni Michael. Sabi niya agad, Hoy, wag kang magkalat nang ganyan, baka may makarinig!, habang sa loob-loob niya e iniisip nya kung sino nga yung kasama niya nun. Sino yun?, tanong daw niya sa ka-trabaho niya. Sabi raw, Hindi ko alam e, basta maganda, tapos umakbay ka pa nga nung paalis na kayo. Aba, ang sweet a!, loko pa raw ng mga kainuman nya. Hindi ko pa rin maalala, kailan ba yun?, tanong ni Michael. Nung nakaraang linggo raw yata, sabi ng ka-trabaho niya, hindi niya sigurado, pero may bandang kumakanta tapos biglang may matandang mukhang D.O.M. na biglang umakyat sa stage, kinuha ang mic at nakikanta. Napaisip na raw siya nun, sabi ni Michael. Ahhhhh, kilala ko na, sabi niya, saka ko lang naalala-
Ikaw pala yun.
Filed under: Mastercard moments, if you know what I mean
Mama, maraming salamat na nung bata ako, binilhan mo ako ng Funny Komiks at Liwayway bawat linggo, sinama sa nobena sa Baclaran tuwing Miyerkules, sinama sa pakikipagtawaran sa palengke ng Pasig kada Sabado, pinasakay ng jeep at bus na ako ang nag-aabot ng bayad, tinuruan mo akong gumamit ng acronyms para masaulo ang mga pwedeng itanong sa enumeration, pinabayaan mo akong maglaro ng patintero at taguan kahit gabi na, pinatatawas mo ako kapag hindi na gumagaling ang lagnat ko, bumibili ka ng Tempo at pinapasagot sa akin ang tagalog na crossword puzzle, gumagamit ka ng mga salitang “tanyag” at “eskaparate” sa pang-araw-araw, binilhan mo ako ng mga Adarna at Batibot books tulad ng paborito kong “Si Inggolok at ang Planeta Pakaskas”, tinuruan mo akong gumamit ng kusot at tinunaw na krayola sa poster-making contest, pinapanood nyo ni Lolo sa akin ang Cinderella at The Sound of Music, pinagtayuan mo ako ng “Ann’s Sari-Sari Store” at pinagbenta ng Hope at mga delata na “No Credit Pls”, dahil dahil dyan, naging ako ako ngayon, at gusto ko ito.
Filed under: In love or something like it, Lord, give me patience, yung madami, Mastercard moments, if you know what I mean, See, life ain't so bad (today at least) | Tags: canada, michael angelo, miss universe, venus raj
There were three messages on my cellphone inbox when I woke up today.
One was from our client at our P2 camera rental business. She’s a student. She informed me that the shoot scheduled for 6am today is “cancel po ung shoot namin 2m” (“our shoot tomorrow is cancelled”). She sent it at 12:33am. I read the message at 6:09am, and our caretaker Marj was already at the meeting place (the call time was 6am), wondering why there still aren’t any FEU students in Jollibee Morayta. I counted from 1 to 10, inhaled, exhaled, then sent our client an SMS message saying that I read her message just now and that she shouldn’t have assumed that I got it without getting a reply from me saying so. I composed the message with much self-control. I was very tempted to lecture her about film production ethics and sentido comon but she’s still a client, and they’re still renting from us on Tuesday. They better.
Another was from my boyfriend saying Mexico is probably doubly happy that they won the Miss Universe instead of Ms Philippines Venus Raj since they almost always lose against us and Pacquiao. He sent it at 12:09am. I like receiving messages like this from him. It makes me feel like the best friend you tell random thoughts to that other people won’t find worth listening to, like “ito listahan ng mga bibilhin ko: vit C na malaki, yung parang pandelata, damit, pantalon, medyas, iPod Touch na 32G, tsaka yung tsinelas mong Ipanema” (“here’s my to-buy list: big-sized Vit C, as big as a tin can, shirts, pants, socks, 32G iPod Touch, and your Ipanema flip-flops”). I’m not his best friend; he doesn’t tell me that I am, but he’s 30, and when you’re 30, and especially when you’re male, you’re way past the stage when you tell your best friend that she’s your best friend. When you’re 30, you just hope that she knows.
The last was from my friend from Canada. She sent it at 4am Manila time, which is around 1pm in Vancouver. She sent me a virtual hug with the URL of her latest blog post. She called it “Pools of Sorrow, Waves of Joy”. It made me smile, and I thought to myself, she’s probably already received the package that I sent, but I’m not sure why it would bring pools of sorrow. Sorrow is such a strong word, and when it comes in pools, well, it’s good to know she’s a good swimmer. I read her post, and I realized she hasn’t received the package yet. She talked about her moving out, her mom and dad, and her plans to help them out in their finances. I’m sending her virtual hugs right now. I always like reading her. She’s a great writer, and I feel like she’s really talking to (only) me when she writes. She’s my best friend, and I always tell her that. I’m only 26, you know.
